You Just Don't Understand!
It's been a couple of weeks now since I finished the book, but Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" was an interesting read. In essence, the book is a study of the linguistic differences between men and women in north american society.
Now, if you think anything like me, your first reaction will be something along the lines of: "How can you write about linguistic differences between men and women without generalizing horribly?". Well, you can't. And she doesn't. But in the end it isn't horrible, and in fact she makes note of the generalization and warns readers to be cautious of misinterpreting her conclusions.
Read skeptically, the book boils down to a study the contrasts of various linguistic styles, with the labels 'men' and 'women' applied to their stereotypical roles. Yet even the most traditional of readers will find themselves more than occasionally on the 'other side' of the conversational divide. Unsurprisingly, I found myself empathizing with the 'female' role in many cases; what was surprising was discovering the extent to which I actually use a stereotypical 'male' linguistic role.
What became apparent is that there is much more going on in everday conversation than I was ever aware of. Even if you agree with nothing she says, the process of thinking about it will undoubtedly be a source of insight. I would highly recommend reading this book.
Now, if you think anything like me, your first reaction will be something along the lines of: "How can you write about linguistic differences between men and women without generalizing horribly?". Well, you can't. And she doesn't. But in the end it isn't horrible, and in fact she makes note of the generalization and warns readers to be cautious of misinterpreting her conclusions.
Read skeptically, the book boils down to a study the contrasts of various linguistic styles, with the labels 'men' and 'women' applied to their stereotypical roles. Yet even the most traditional of readers will find themselves more than occasionally on the 'other side' of the conversational divide. Unsurprisingly, I found myself empathizing with the 'female' role in many cases; what was surprising was discovering the extent to which I actually use a stereotypical 'male' linguistic role.
What became apparent is that there is much more going on in everday conversation than I was ever aware of. Even if you agree with nothing she says, the process of thinking about it will undoubtedly be a source of insight. I would highly recommend reading this book.
posted by Aryn at 17:12
2 Comments:
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Take Care,
*Aryn*
Tannen's theories are thought provoking to be sure, despite her tendency to group linguistic patterns through stereotypical male and female roles. However, on some occasions such generalizations can be helpful. Two years ago I was studying Tannen and several other theories about gender communication while struggling in my relationship with my relatively non-communicative boyfriend. My previous attempts to discuss the challenges we faced in communicating with each other had all proved less than fruitful. However, I garnered a much more positive response when I was able to back up my theories about our communication problems with that of the Georgetown professor. The victory was short-lived however and like so many others I can claim to have ended a relationship due to irreconcilable differences (or maybe if I am more honest I can admit that I was offended that Tannen's theory of genderlects was more effective than my own brilliant common sense.... but I digress).
My long winded point... for some the grey area that is (gender) communication can be confusing and it is helpful for them to have male and female more distinctly separated. The clarification that Tannen's work provided for my former bf arrived a little too late to salvage what was left of our relationship... but from our brief conversation post great dissolve, he seemed definitely more aware of communication styles in his current relationship. I never thought he'd be the type to take so readily to recreational reading of Tannen and other such theorists, but apparently he found it helpful and would recommend it to others.
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